The pressure of a blank canvas in creativity and motherhood

Hello Darlings! 

Last week, one of my most inspiring girlfriends and I attended the Creative Mornings event in Boulder, CO.  

The speaker for the day was local artist Artie SandStone, and at the end of his talk on innovation, he invited the group to collaborate on a piece of art. Everyone in attendance would have 10 seconds to paint the canvas so we could collectively make one cohesive composition. And as one would expect, it all started with a blank canvas. 

Now, when he announced his intentions, there were various reactions from those in attendance. Some perked up excitedly. Some shrank away. And others, like me, were left looking on with wide-eyed with trepidation.

Why was I taken aback, you ask? 

As a writer and sometimes artist, I’m not scared of a blank canvas, per se. It’s a beautiful opportunity. The beginning of the journey, and often the most exciting and energetic part. 

That being said, I am scared of the idea of time pressure preventing me from creating the fullest expression of me. I need more time to think. Even though it was only a few marks, with zero stakes attached, I was worried it wouldn’t reflect my true creative intentions. That was my real fear. 

As my friend and I debriefed over coffee, we realized this wasn’t just about art. Our starkly different reactions were also deeply reflective of my approach to my next several months of maternity leave. 

You see, I’ve officially blocked this time as a blank canvas of my own. A free space from work to enjoy life with a newborn, and a permission slip to build my life as a mother of two exactly as I want it. It’s a purposeful postpartum container, if you will.

Now, I’ve gotten pretty good at creating and holding boundaries, so I feel quite capable of holding this container for my growing family. But, I do still fear one person will break through, me. 

Writing is a part of me. It’s my prime creative outlet. I don’t think I can even be a blank canvas that doesn’t have writing woven into it as a thread of my foundational fabric. 

I literally can’t help but pitch a story when the idea hits, or write the better part of a blog post when the inspiration strikes. It just flows. So much so that I even sent a new pitch yesterday.

But that’s the fun of it–following the spark. 

Why would I want to turn that part off for the sake of being a perfectly blank space? 

The answer is I don’t. So, as I’m actively creating life, I’m rethinking my postpartum container boundaries around creativity as well.

When it’s fun, I’ll follow it. I’ll flow. I’ll write. I’ll imagine. I’ll create. 

When it’s forced, pressured, on a timeline, or when I start optimizing the outcome, that’s when I’ll hold firm. That’s when “the work” is no longer welcome in my space. 

Those are the boundaries I am bringing to this phase. 

Because if it all comes down to showing up as the fullest, most authentic expression of myself as a mom of two, creativity must remain. 

Sans pressure. Sans performance. Sans judgment. 

Now that’s the kind of blank canvas I am completely and totally here for.

With much love, 

Katherine 

P.S. I’m so curious, which camp would YOU fall into? Thrilled to jump in, or quietly planning your escape route? Send me a note because I have a feeling we’re not alone either way! 

P.P.S. Here's a few more shots from my recent maternity shoot as seen on Instagram. We will cherish these snaps forever. If you're ever in doubt about a maternity shoot...don't overthink it. Book Stetten Wilson!

WRITING INSPIRATION

 Absolutely loving the book suggestions from you all after my last post. Please keep 'em coming! Nothing wrong with a growing TBR list so here's three more books I'm currently reading and why: 

There's No Such Thing as Bad Weather: A Scandinavian Mom's Secrets for Raising Healthy, Resilient, and Confident Kids (from Friluftsliv to Hygge) by Linda Åkeson McGurk

Because my kiddo loves to be outside just as much as I do. Plus, Boulder is our backyard, and I want her to love exploring, no matter the season. 

This Summer Will Be Different by Carley Fortune

Because the one thing I've missed while pregnant is a delicious, briny oyster and a love story set on Prince Edward Island seemed like the perfect little book snack. 

There Are No Grown-Ups: A Midlife Coming-of-Age Story by Pamela Druckerman

Because I turn 39 next month and Druckerman brings the humor to even the most taboo of subjects, like aging!